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How To Be a Dot Com Mogul
Written by nygb Email This Article Print This Article RSS 2 PDF

How To Be a Dot Com Mogul

Popularity: 33% [?]

January 10th, 2008(1) Comment[s]Trackback URL
Filed under: General, Whatever, advice
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Top Ten New Years Resolutions You Will Break
Written by AbNormal Email This Article Print This Article RSS 2 PDF

Top Ten New Years Resolutions You Will Break

Every year, it’s the same old story. You look back on the past year and realize what you need to change to improve your life in the upcoming year. So you take out a pad and a pen and you start to make a list of New Year’s resolutions you will strive to undertake. Some items will be things you will resolve never to do again, or quit: Stop Smoking, Eat Less Junk Food, Spend Less, etc. Other items are things you promise yourself you will start adopting or doing on a regular basis: Exercise More, Loose Weight, Get Organized, etc.

However, who are you kidding. Between you and me, we both know that none of these resolutions will last much longer than the first few weeks of January. So, in the spirit of crushing your hopes and dreams of a more fruitful 2008, I have taken a list of the Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions and wrote why you will fail at fulfilling any of them.

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends

Ha, forget it! You’ve got so much pent up passive aggression following Christmas Eve’s incident with your cousin Bill that you’re about to explode and kill of an entire colony of endangered sea turtles. Face it folks. Nobody likes their family. That’s why we only see them once or twice a year, during the holidays. After which, we resolve never to talk to them again, unless one of the dies. In which case there will be an estate to fight over. No love lost there. And your friends? You see them every Friday while you watch the big game or whatever, or perhaps during your Self Discovery, Inner Peace, Friends of the Rain Forest, Yoga / Pilates class at the rec center. You spend enough time with your friends. Let them be.

2. Fit in Fitness / Exercise More

Ok. So you get up early (insert ungodly hour here) on January 2nd, attempt to stretch, do a few sit-ups and resolve to exercise in the new year. You get into your shiny SUV, drive to whatever Gym floats your boat, speak to an uncannily healthy and lean membership rep, throw your credit card at them and agree to pay $50.00 / month for the next 12 in the hopes that you will look like your favorite celebrity in no time. Not gonna happen. Face it, the only exercise you get or will get in the new year is power surfing The Shopping Channel hoping to buy a set of cute Collectible Figurines before they sell out.

3. Tame the Bulge / Loose Weight

See previous entry. Listen, the reason Junk food is good is because it is loaded with Everything that is not good for you. Sugar, Sugar, and more Sugar. So go ahead, fire up that industrial strength Turkey Deep Fryer and throw in a truck load worth of Chocolate bars. MMMMM…. DEEP FRIED CHOCOLATE BARS…..

4. Quit Smoking

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hold on, let me repeat myself. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah Right, like this will ever happen. You’ve probably already smoked 3 cigarettes just reading this blog post. You’re so juiced up on nicotine that if you attempted to quit, you’d be more likely to start a unilateral peasant revolt in Wako Texas than successfully kick this habit. So get those pitch forks ready.

5. Enjoy Life More

Well, this is a bit of an arbitrary subject since we all Enjoy Life differently. However, we can all agree that whatever it is that we like doing, we wish we had more time / energy / focus to do it. It’s just not going to happen. Therefore, I implore you, go ahead and buy that Tahitian Monk Rejuvenation CD and chant away!!!

6. Quit Drinking

OK, so it’s probably 9:30 AM, you’re stuck in your Cubicle Farm at Initech (screw u Initrode!) reading this useless blog post. Admit it, by now, you’ve already thought about going to the pub around the corner and ordering a double shot of hard liquor. And they’re not even open. They don’t open until 11 AM, when the regular drunks stumble in. Listen, many beautiful things have been created either due to or in spite of inebriation. Revel in your intoxication. Do it for ME.

7. Get out of Debt / Stop Spending

That’ll be $9.95 please. However, for a limited time only, you can finance your subscription to this blog in 32 arbitrarily equal payments*. Please inquire within.
* Offer subject to change. OAC. Interest rate is calculated based on the future value of your yet to be born child which you’ve signed over to us. Albeit of questionable legality, we will attempt to charge you a percentage of interest roughly similar to the Gross National Product of Liberia, and possibly higher. Quite higher, let’s say around 326.44% per day. In fact, you will end up paying us about $43,000.00 for the $9.95 offer you financed. We love capitalism. Do you?

8. Learn Something New

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. So, I assume you are an old dog, regardless of your actual age.

9. Help Others

Hey, would you mind terribly swinging by my place later on and taking out the trash? Oh, and while you’re at it, would it be a terrible imposition to ask you to remodel my kitchen? It’s sooooo 70’s chic. If you are like the Editorial staff of NYGB, and we will assume you are, you can’t help yourself. How will you help others?

However, should we be wrong about this, we also have some office space that needs cleaning. Must bring own dust pan.

10. Get Organized

Was this on your To Do List for the new year? Go check, i’ll wait…. Can’t find the list? Do you remember where you put it? Perhaps it is among that collection of bottle caps you have taking up space in the garage…. No? Still can’t find it? Anyway, what was I saying?

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Office Space: The Movie

Popularity: 39% [?]

January 4th, 2008(1) Comment[s]Trackback URL
Filed under: General, advice, life, resolution
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Top 15 Wordpress Plugins We Can’t Live Without
Written by AbNormal Email This Article Print This Article RSS 2 PDF

Top 15 Wordpress Plugins We Can’t Live Without

1. Akismet 2.0
   Akismet is a Comment Spam Filter Plugin for your blog. You need your very own WordPress.com API key to use it. However, it is well worth the trouble. Akismet is renowned for stopping some hard core comments spam. It is Solid!
2. 404 Notifier
   This plugin will log 404 hits on your site and can notify you via e-mail or you can subscribe to the generated RSS feed of 404 events. Very useful. This is a Wordpress Plugin by Alex King.
3. (Brian’s) Threaded Comments
   The very popular (Brian’s) Threaded Comments. Allows your visitors to reply to someone’s comment and have the reply nestled within the first comment, slightly offset. Gives an easier way to follow a comment conversation, plus allows for a collapsible comment section.
4. FeedBurner FeedSmith
   Originally authored by Steve Smith, this plugin detects all ways to access your original WordPress feeds and redirects them to your FeedBurner feed so you can track every possible subscriber.
5. Google XML Sitemaps
   While I won’t go into the details as to why it is important for your website to have a Sitemap on Google, this plugin will generate a sitemaps.org compatible sitemap of your WordPress blog which is supported by Ask.com, Google, MSN Search and YAHOO. Follow this link for more information on What Are Sitemaps.
6. MyAvatars
   This plugin allows you to add MyBlogLog.com avatars to Wordpress comments. There is a way to nestle the MyAvatars plugin to work in conjunction with (Brian’s) Threaded Comments. For the installation procedure, look at John Chow’s MyAvatars Article.
7. SEO Title Tags
   I will assume that you have changed your Wordpress Permalinks option to something other than default. We use the second option here which is Date & Time based. Search engine optimize your blog’s title tags. You can create and customize various titles for every page, post, tag on your entire blog. The other alternative is Optimal Title, which places the title before your blog’s name.
8. Popularity Contest
   This will enable ranking of your posts by popularity; using the behavior of your visitors to determine each post’s popularity. You can afterwards display your most popular posts anywhere you want. Help your visitors find the most popular posts quickly and easily. This is a Wordpress Plugin by Alex King.
9. Related Posts
   Returns a list of the related entries based on active/passive keyword matches. Place this option in your Single Post template and list related articles / posts. Keep your visitors reading longer and visiting your website longer as well.
10. Share This
    Let your visitors share a post/page with others. Supports e-mail and posting to social bookmarking sites. Note the ShareThis green icon & link at the bottom of this post.
11. Show Top Commentators
    Encourage more feedback and discussion from readers, by rewarding them every time they post a comment! Readers with the most comments are displayed on your Wordpress blog, with their names (linked to their website if they provided one).
12. Subscribe To Comments
    Allows readers to receive notifications of new comments that are posted to an entry. Give your visitors a reason to come back and visit your website once more.
13. WP-Email
    Allows people to recommend / send your WordPress blog’s post / page to a friend. Note the “Email This Article” link at the top of the article. Plugin by Lester ‘GaMerZ’ Chan.
14. WP-Print
    Displays a printable version of your WordPress blog’s post / page. Note the “Print This Article” link at the top of the article. Plugin by Lester ‘GaMerZ’ Chan.
15. WP-Grins
    A Clickable Smilies hack for WordPress. Allows you to give your visitors the opportunity of putting Smilies in the comments. This is a Wordpress Plugin by Alex King.

But wait, there’s more. I’ve two more plugins to mention that are also useful, yet I’ve elected not to include them in the main list for dubious reasons. I simply like absurd rationale.

1. Challenge
   Based on and improved over Steve Herod’s “Did you pass math?” plugin, Challenge restricts comment spam by throwing the commenter a challenge. You’ll notice in our comments section the part which asks “What Year Is It?”. However, we’re not using Challenge due to some technical difficulties and whatnot. Therefore, the “What Year Is It?” question is a simple JavaScript hack on our part.
2. Maintenance Mode
   This plugin is only activated when you need to take down your website, therefore, it is Always Deactivated. It adds a splash page to your blog that lets visitors know your blog is down for maintenance. Logged in administrators get full access to the blog including the front-end.

That’s it, that’s our list. If you have any other plugins you want to recommend, please do so by dropping us a Comment.

Popularity: 75% [?]

January 3rd, 2008(1) Comment[s]Trackback URL
Filed under: Blog Platform, General, Search Engine Optimization, Wordpress, seo
Tagged With: , how to, plugins, Search Engine Optimization, seo, tips and tricks, Wordpress, wordpress plugins

Our Blog Platform - Technical and General Information
Written by nygb Email This Article Print This Article RSS 2 PDF

Our Blog Platform - Technical and General Information

Well, it seems this is a relatively popular post subject to blog about. People are always asking what Blog Platform you are using, therefore, we will give you an outline of what we use and how you too can become as cool as we are.

First and foremost, you have to get yourself a [dot] Com domain, whether it be .COM, .NET, .ORG, .INFO, etc., you have to get out from under the Blogspot umbrella. Now, this is not to say that there are not tons of successful [dot] Blogspot (Blogger) domains out there. There are, and many of them even make money for the bloggers. However, in order to Piss In The Tall Weeds With The Big Boys [~], you’ve got to get your own Domain Name and Hosting Package. It allows far more customization and control for your blog platform.

Getting a [dot] Com domain

Well, if you ask us ‘Who’s Yo Daddy‘, we’d have to say GoDaddy is our Daddy. That’s right, with .COM registration as low as $1.99 usd in some cases, why wouldn’t you Register Your Domain with them? After all, they’ve got tons of options and packages for everyone. Plus, you can get your hosting and blogging platform done with them as well. And, if all that is not enough, they’ve got IndyCar racing hottie Danica Patrick as their spokeswoman. Go Team!

Getting your Hosting Package

Our amazing blog is Powered By Bluefur hosting. They offer kick ass tech support and answer questions quickly. Plus, their hosting packages start as low as $6.95/month (us & cad) for a Unix Package. They also include the popular cPanel application and the Fantastico application manager and a bunch of great stuff. And, get this folks, if you sign up for a full year, they will knock off another 15% off the package.

But Wait, there’s more. If you use our promo code grannysmithrocks, you get an Additional 10% off, for a total savings of 25% off the hosting package. That’s a deal that is tough to beat.

Blogging Platform

We use the Wordpress Blog Platform as our tool of the trade. This is in our opinion the best blog platform currently available, and, if you get the above hosting package, it already comes pre-packaged in the Fantastico application manager. You simply click on install and in 5 minutes, you’re up and running. However, if you get a hosting package that does not have it pre-packaged, you can Download Wordpress for Free.

Wordpress Theme & Layout Design

Once you’ve installed your Wordpress Blog Platform, it is essential to customize it to fit your specific needs. You can find a bunch of Wordpress Templates using the Wordpress Theme Viewer, Top Wordpress Themes, Wordpress Themes from NDesign, etc. What about Our Theme? Where did we get it? Well, our Wordpress Theme was custom designed by the folks at Serveris Inc. They provided a Custom Website Design & Development Service for us that had our own specifications and design elements included. The work they did proved exceptional and their integration of both the Wordpress back end and their design elements was great.

Wordpress Plugins

After getting your Wordpress installed, your Wordpress Theme loaded, you need some plugins. However, this post will be dealt with separately in a post we like to call Top 15 Wordpress Plugins we Can’t Live Without.

[~] - Quote from the movie Wall Street starring Charlie Sheen & Michael Douglas

Popularity: 100% [?]

January 2nd, 2008(0) Comment[s]Trackback URL
Filed under: Blog Platform, Domain Registration, General, Great Deals, Website Hosting, Wordpress, website news
Tagged With: .COM, .Net, 10% Hosting, Blog Platform, Blogspot, blue fur, bluefur, charlie sheen, Danica Patrick, domain name registration, godaddy, Great Deal, Indy, michael douglas, serveris, wall street movie, website design, website development, Website Hosting, Wordpress, wordpress plugins

We Are Live And Kickin - Our First Post
Written by nygb Email This Article Print This Article RSS 2 PDF

We Are “Live” And Kickin’ - Our First Post

This is our first post. It will give you an idea of what we are about, in other words how we are better than most. It will also allow you to get a feel of what Not Your Grandma’s Blog (NYGB) is all about. If you feel like you want to Subscribe to our RSS Feed, and why wouldn’t you, you can do that as well. Better yet, why don’t you Subscribe to RSS Via Email and give yourself to us. After all, it is only a matter of time before we start selling your personal information to third parties.

Just Kidding. Or are we…

Key Sections Of Our Website

We’ve divided our website into some key sections. The About NYGB section is self evident as is our Archives page, the Top Posts page, the Advertise page as well as the Contact Us page. Why do we have an Advertise page already? Why would you Advertise from the beginning? Let’s just say that it is in your best interest to get in at the ground level. After all, once we are Super Rich Dot Com Moguls, we may not have time to talk to you.

Not Another How To Get Rich Blog

We are not another How To Get Rich Blog. We are not another Britney Exposed blog. And we certainly won’t tell you about the Latest News With Apple. We are a blog about the absurdities of life. Life Absurd and all that Bull Sh$t. We will entertain the thought that maybe it is ok to give all your money to a cat charity once you die. Or maybe you can give us all your money. We’re not above taking donations. Essentially, we’re a blog about everything and anything, as well as nothing at all. We’re the Seinfeld of the Blogworld. A blog about noting. And we’re fine with that. We’re not after any Pulitzer prizes here.

Popularity: 32% [?]

January 1st, 2008(0) Comment[s]Trackback URL
Filed under: General, website news
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